What do we do when despite how much effort we are putting into something, the outcome seems to be the same? How do we deal with the disappointment of feeling like we are going somewhere, to later find out that we are stuck in the same old negative habit? One of the hardest things I’ve found about life is that we tend to lead ourselves to paths and habits that harm us in the long run. It is hard because almost every time -if not every time- we act on the belief that whatever we are doing will benefit us. No matter how much we know our addiction is making us drown, it gets to a point where the stress is so unbearable that we end up leaning towards alcohol, drugs, and porn again. No matter how much we want to try something, eventually, we end up talking ourselves out of trying, over and over again. And no matter how dysfunctional our past relationship used to be, somehow, we always end up texting them again. Isn’t it frustrating? Are we just meant to be stuck in the same behavior forever? The answer to this question is NO!! We are not meant to hurt ourselves. We are meant to live a free and meaningful life. -It must be easy for you to say it Juan. You don’t know what I’m struggling with! You might be thinking. You are right! I have no idea what your struggle is, but I can tell you this… I struggle too! many times I find myself falling for the same old behavior that I know will only harm me. I hate myself for doing it! to the point where I wish I could just disappear, so I don’t have to deal with it ever again. I feel embarrassed, weak, and disappointed. You are not in this fight alone my friend! and even though our struggles are not the same, we are the same. We all struggle! So do me a favor, next time you look at someone who seems to have their life together. Remember that they are human too, and just like you, they are going through some difficulties and pain. Now, I don’t say this so you can look at everyone and be like “ HA-HA! You are struggling too!” No, I say this so you can understand that there is no need for us to compare ourselves. With your struggles, addictions, and bad behaviors God still loves you. So, what do I do Juan? I am tired of being like this! I am tired of failing God, I am tired of failing myself, and I am tired of failing those around me! Yep, I know you are… I am too! but you know what we do? We KEEP GOING! We KEEP TRYING. My best friend and I used to jam to “Angie (I’ve been lost) by Fred Again” every time we would drive back home from school. The Lyrics go something like this… I’ve been lost, I’ve been lost… but I am really trying. WOW! That’s practically the only lyrics the song has Lol, but the profoundness of these words is all it takes to make it a good song. It’s not the fact that we feel lost y’all, it’s the fact that we are trying. I don’t care if you keep talking yourself out of doing something, I don’t care if you are still giving in to your addiction, and I don’t care if you called your ex yesterday… you are trying and that’s all that matters. You are going to keep trying. Maybe you failed yesterday, but today is a new day, and all I want you to do is try again! Don’t think about what you did yesterday or if you will be able to stay out of it tomorrow. Just focus on trying today. I know it is frustrating, but I promise you that if you don’t give up, there will come a time when you won’t struggle with that negative behavior again. Get up and keep fighting, keep trying because you are worth it. Something that has helped me to keep going even when I hate myself, is the understanding that God loves me even when I don’t love myself. There is nothing we can do that will make him not love us. With that in mind, we just need to understand that even though our behavior is not the one we desire. The King still loves us! This will give us a boost in our self-esteem to try harder the next time. So, yes! It is a battle, but it surely is one that we can win. Today we say goodbye to the days we used to hate ourselves and we welcome the days where all we do is try. Remember, the only way a failure becomes a failure is when we choose to give up.
As always, I am thrilled to be growing with you! Life is an interesting journey… a journey that is worth living. I’ve found that I always mess up when I try to do things my own way. However, I’ve been on a journey when I’ve been getting to know a guy called Jesus. He has helped me a lot! And even though life will never be perfect, he has helped me find some meaning to it. If you don’t know him, seek him. If you think you know him, don’t stop there! Have a relationship with him… it will revolutionize your life.