FALL IN LOVE

Why did we stop listening to ourselves? Since when are other people’s opinions on our lives more important than our own? How did we forget that we are important too? Fall in love with yourself because you deserve it. Fall in love with the person staring back at you in the mirror because she/he is worth it. Remember that kid who you once were and fall in love. 

A couple days ago as I decluttered my room, I found my old journal. I put it aside so I could read it once I was done organizing. When finished, I sat down in the corner of my bed and started going through the pages. The first feeling that came to me when I saw my journal was excitement. I wanted to see how far I have come, how much I’ve grown, and just remember the little things we tend to forget that mark a difference in our lives. While it is true that I am not the same person who wrote on the pages of that black notebook 2 years ago, it is also true that I have such a long way to go. The feeling of excitement slowly faded and turned into disappointment. I noticed that many things that I wrote about 2 years ago are the same things that I find myself writing in my journal today. “I want to be an interesting person”, “I want to have a great physique”, “this is it, today I am starting to better my habits”, “I am done, it is time to get disciplined” “4 months till the end of the year, the time is now!”. It was disappointing to see that in many areas of my life I keep saying the same things, yet I don’t act on them. Can you relate? 

The following days I couldn’t help but to feel discouraged. I kept thinking to myself “not only am I not where I want to be, but I’ve also wasted 2 years of my life” I also thought, “if for 2 years I’ve been writing the same things, guess what am I going to be writing about next year?” my mind kept trying to find answers on why I had let myself down in such a way. After about 3 days of questioning and judging myself for not stepping up to my expectations. I decided that it was time for me to sit and write. I wrote about my feelings, I wrote about my thoughts, but especially I asked myself many questions. Unexpectedly, I had the answers I was looking for… I just needed to shut my mouth for a minute and listen to what the defendant had to say. 

Here is what he said:

(This right here are sentences taken from my journal) 

“… It was always an emotion, and it has never come from a place of love. It has never come from a place where I say, Juan, I love you so much that you deserve better…”

“… It’s always been a judgy mentality, wanting to put myself in a place without even realizing that the first step to get somewhere is to accept who I am now…”

(…)

It is common that when we look at ourselves in the mirror and we say, man I really need to enroll myself at the gym, or when we look at our bank account in zeros and we think, I need to start budgeting. These feelings and emotions are coming from a place of despise. We don’t like those extra pounds on us, so we resent ourselves for having them. We don’t like that we don’t know where our money goes, so we get frustrated with ourselves for not having better financial habits. Now, I am not here to tell you that you need to accept yourself for who you are and be complacent. We should always be trying to improve in every area of our life. What I am here to tell you is that the person who we are calling fat, ugly, and undisciplined is ourselves… no wonder why we can’t stick to a healthier habit! Who wants to work with a boss that’s always reproaching every single thing that we do wrong? Exactly, NO ONE. Same with ourselves! How would we become a better person if the only reason why we want to change is because we hate who we are right now? It is different if you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “George, I am so sorry for letting you get this unhealthy, for the love that I have for you I will start taking better care of you, than saying, “Oh my God, look at how ugly I am, I hate to see how fat I look.” Now, you might also be thinking that no one really talks to themselves like George in the first example. TRY IT! It will make the difference in your world, you will start remembering that little kid that you once were, you will realize that you love yourself so much that it is in your best interest to say no to that cookie. Not because it is so horrible to see those extra pounds but because who you are deserves better. 

1 John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” We can’t love ourselves if we don’t allow God to love us first. It is only by allowing him to show us how much he loves us that we get to show compassion for ourselves. You are so valuable for the creator that no matter how far or how bad you have let yourself down, he is right there to pick you up. There is this one song called Defender. (I don’t who wrote it or who is it originally from, but I like to listen to the version that Upperroom sings.)  One of the verses of the song goes like this “When I thought I lost me, you know where I left me, you reintroduced me to your love. You picked up all my pieces, put me back together, you are the defender of my heart.” Today, I want to invite you to let your guard down and let yourself be loved by God. You don’t know who you are? He knows! You don’t where to start? He knows! You don’t feel like you can love yourself again? He loves you more than you could ever love yourself. I did realize that to change I need to start with accepting myself, but the only way that I can accept the things I hate about myself, is by running to Jesus and asking him to love me even when I can’t love me. Everyday he has been reminding me of how valuable I am to him, and it is only by knowing that even with all my flaws the King still loves me, that I can accept myself and begin a real change from a place of love. 
I am so thankful for each person that gets a chance to read one of my posts. Being young is not an easy job, so I hope that we get to grow together! We become wiser, smarter, but overall, I hope that we get to lean on Jesus every day. I hope that we remember that we don’t have to do it by ourselves… that there is a way of doing life, and that is THEKINGDOMSWAY.