In the book the 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, He mentions how as humans we live the dream of the world, but we don’t live our own dream. He explains it something like this: When we are born, immediately our process of domestication starts, our parents put effort into trespassing their values, and they tell us what is good and bad according to their own beliefs. Then, we grow older, and we are surrounded by our friends at school, coaches, church, teachers, etc. All these different figures shaped us into what according to them would be a good human being for society. He concludes that we are not given the choice to make our own decisions and therefore we never get to decide what really matters to us.
I struggled for a long while with something like what Don Miguel mentioned in his book. In my journey of making sure that I didn’t become one of those unhappy adults I listened to many people that seemed like they had figured it out, I listened to rich people, listened to influencers, listened to people who left everything they had and went on to start a new life in a different place…( I want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with listening to people!) 99% of the cases, different perspectives may help us throughout our journey. However, the problem starts when we compare ourselves to these people, when their dreams become our dreams and we start buying into what society tells us is good or bad. Social media has grown immensely over the years and its growth has brought many improvements in our way of living, but it also brought depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. I was a victim of this, and the worst part is that every day I kept harming myself more and more. I remember about a year ago after quitting basketball and feeling clueless about what was going to be of my life, having that sense that I just needed to be someone in life. My fear of becoming an unhappy adult was big, so I told myself. “Juan, in two years you are going to drive a ford mustang, will move out of the house you are living in right now, will also be making 3000 thousand dollars monthly, and so on (something like that is what society and the people I listened to held as the standard for success and happiness) My strategy was easy! I spent like 700 hundred dollars learning how to invest in the stock market and by the time I was done with these courses these people promised me that I would be making 3000 thousand dollars a month. This was the beginning of my depression! not only because I was far from reaching those standards but because the constant reminder that I wasn’t that person was very heavy to carry along. Long story short I ended up losing the 700 hundred dollars, which for me is a significant amount of money being a student that has to pay for his own stuff.
It took me a while, but I discovered that reaching happiness has never been the end goal. Living a meaningful life has nothing to do with the pursuit of happiness but the pursuit of the one who provides it. As much as I want to be happy, life always gets in the way, life’s a rollercoaster! full of ups and downs and reaching happiness with my own strength is impossible. In my journey with God, I’ve discovered that he as our father and creator promises that we will find contentment in following him, that by following him we will receive a joy that surpasses all understanding, and verses like Philippians 4:7, Galatians 5:22… Exist to remind us of this.
Friend, I get you! Being a teenager or a young adult is difficult, especially today. The pressure that the world is putting on us to reach its standards is heavy, and we all can fall into the trap. I know what it feels like watching all those Tik Tok or Instagram videos and desiring the life these people have, I know what it feels like following a career because that is what your parents, relatives, or friends told you is good for you, but realistically you hate it! I know what it is to compare yourself with others because you are not as handsome or as pretty as they are, I know what it feels like to look at yourself in the mirror and feel like your life is falling apart! and I have news for you, it will keep being the same if we don’t stop chasing after this world. This world will leave us empty and will only give us momentaneous pleasure because its goal will always be to have us chasing after the next thing. The good news is that this is not what your creator intended for you or me. As I mentioned before, I felt like I needed to be somebody, kind of as if I needed to prove something, but when God came into the picture, he showed me that he has a plan for me! a plan that fits perfectly to my character, passions, and even my looks. His word says that we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10). Friend is not our job to make sure we will be happy. Your father already took care of that, he promises you that if you follow him (which following him basically means giving control back to your creator, so he can show you what it is that you are created for) then joy will come along. The real version of you is the most beautiful version of you! It’s the only version that will provide you with the opportunity to be original in a world full of copies, it is the version that God wants from you.
Lower the voice of the world and through this week ask the holy spirit to give you the strength to embrace YOUR DREAMS, YOUR ATTRIBUTES, and DEFECTS, but more than anything I encourage you to be bold and either start or continue a journey where God is your target. It won’t be perfect! but it’s the key to living a meaningful life.
With Love. Your friend Juan